remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
