so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
