walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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