tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
