Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
