did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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