So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
