last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
