Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
