So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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