Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just had sex on a roof
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
