Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
