why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
