walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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