Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
