They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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