wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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