he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
where are my eyebrows?
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