The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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