My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
