I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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