I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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