you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
