If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
