apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Less talking, more tequila
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
