My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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