I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
