Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
