I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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