I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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