I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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