i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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