please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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