Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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