just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
