Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
