I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
