I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
