He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
