There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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