U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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