how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
