i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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