Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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