We named our party play list daddy issues
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
