omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
