You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Your cock deserves a montage
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
