One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
