North Korea, Best Korea!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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