you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
