that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
