True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
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Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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