The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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