That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
