Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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