the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
