he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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