dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he shaved USA in his pubs
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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