She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
