Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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