He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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