i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize