he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
