like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Michael Bay diarrhea
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
