You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
