exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
