I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
