she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
