Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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