Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
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sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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