never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize