Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
