batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
